Friday, June 29, 2007

Storms

My family has been going through some difficult times lately. On Tuesday I received some really bad news that threw me into a emotional tornado. I learned of the news around 2pm and for the rest of the afternoon my emotions ranged from extreme anger, to grief, to numbness. I couldn't think straight at all, in fact every event seemed to come back to my family and bring me to tears.

I got to Church that evening and ran into my spiritual director (a wonderful priest). He'd been on vacation for several weeks and this was the first time I'd seen him since he'd been back. For the entire time he was gone things were going great. I got a good job, my family was plodding along, no real good news or bad, my friends were around me and I felt at peace. Now today, bad news just come, and he sees me a wreck...my first thought was that he's going to think I'm always getting bad news, or that I'm crazy (I think he already knows that one though).

I didn't talk to him right away, I was a bit miffed, but while at mass I could almost hear God saying, "You need a spiritual director now...you didn't need one then." I actually became angry. I didn't want a spiritual director, I wanted the problem solved. I wanted the wrongs righted and everything to be OK now.

Yet that is not the answer He gives. He will not still this storm, but he will give me the grace and support to see me through. It's not the answer I want, I want my family to be safe and happy, but I'm being called to trust the Lord. He loves them far more than I ever could and knows what will bring them healing.

I need to trust His love for them, that he wants them to find healing and peace. He has shown me how much he loves me through my spiritual director, friends, work and the peace He has given me. I cannot bring my family healing, only He can. I must learn to let go and let God do just that.

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