Saturday, June 16, 2007

Roller Blades

So, my friend and I went around to the yard sales this morning and found a pair of nice roller blades for $5. They happened to fit (a bit small, but still doable). It's been years since I roller bladed, I thought it would be worth $5 to try them out again.

So I get home and decided that I'll wear them to the store, which is right around the corner, buy some groceries. I've decided to record this dialogue I had with myself while doing this, partly for comic value, partly because I do hold conversations with myself. Yes, I know I'm crazy. ;)

***sitting down putting on the blades***
Do you remember the last time you went blading?
Yea sure, I've only been once before, in college.
When you borrowed your sister's roller blades.
And went down death hill...
oh...yea, that back flip ending with a severe headache...
yea - are you sure this is a good idea?
Sure, I just need a helmet!
Are you sure?

***heads outside and looks down the stairs***
You aren't going to try walking down those stairs in blades...
***clop clop clop***
Are you even listening to me?
Nope - I'm going to the store - this will be fun!

***starts across the parking lot***
See, it's just like ice skating - I'm good at that.
Ice is flat...
Yea, but these have little breaks on the back so I can stop on a hill.
Perhaps you should see if those work.
Good idea ***eek*** apparently it's only on the right heel.
By the way, talking to myself is ok - laughing is unacceptable.
But see, the other break works!
You're going uphill...
I'm sure it'll work going downhill - here's one...

Yes, the pinwheeling arms worked well to stop you.
They did steer me into this nice grass where I could regain my balance.

Are you going to walk in the grass the whole way?
No, of course not. Here's a nice place to get out.
You realize that is a downhill slope right?
It's very shallow, I'll be fine.

***eases out onto the sidewalk***
See, nice and easy.
You're going a bit fast aren't you?
Yes, but then we apply the break...
...and start pinwheeling?

Well, it's at least a good thing the street was empty when you fell into it.
Look, your pants are ripped!
You'd better get yourself out of the road before a car comes.
The crawling is very dignified.
why does my thumb hurt?
Because you landed on it.

What are you doing?
I'm going to walk down the hill on the grass till it levels out...
umm...what about turning around and heading home.
No, I just need more practice!

See, it's uphill here, I'll be fine!
Downhills tend to come after up...
I'll be fine.
you just fell again.
I know!
are you done yet?

***wobble wobble wobble***
More level ground, I'll get out here.
um...that is a gentle slope.
Yea, but I can slow by weaving back and forth...
Now are you done?
***sniffle*** My tush hurts.
That's because you fell on it three times.
No the first time my thumb broke the fall...
Are you going to take those things off?
Yea...I'll walk back

So now it's several hours and bags of ice later. I'm beginning to think I may not try it tomorrow since it's difficult to sit down. I'm seriously thinking about pawning them off onto a friend, but then again, there's that whole "do unto other's" clause in Christianity...

Either way, I think ice skating is a much more fun, though less amusing activity. As for trips to the store, I think bikes are wonderful don't you?


Adoro te Devote said...

Blading is better on park trails. I never liked blading in the street, still don't.

I did make the mistake a couple years ago of taking my German Shepherd with me....she lunged at a passing bike, I had to veer hard while I pulled her back in line and of course, then I almost ran her over...and then crashed into the bushes...with several witnesses! Of course, we were going downhill at the time.

It seemed like a good idea....


Christina said...

Yes, so many of those "good ideas" turn out to be very embarrassing, but we live and learn! ;-)

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.