Monday, February 27, 2006

Meditation on the Fiat

"Mary, by whose Fiat the Son of God came into the world, pray for us."

The first day of the retreat we were told to draw a piece of paper from an envelope. Each paper contained one line from a litany (I do not know which one). We were then told to pray about this line to determine what the Lord was trying to say to us through it. I drew the line above and below are the notes I made while meditating over it. I was going to rewrite this or just try to summarize it, but I feel the Lord wishes me to give the more or less raw notes (I have edited them to correct for times when my mind jumped ahead of the pen).

Why did the Lord give me this piece? What is He trying to say to me?

What is the Fiat?
- "Let it be done unto me according to thy Word."
- It was her total unconditional acceptance of God's will in her life. She opened her heart, body, life... her entire being up to God. She nourished Him with her life. She accepted His Will, not knowing what would come of it. Not understanding fully how it would come about. Trusting the Lord would guide her when she needed it.

By this acceptance the Son of God came to earth
- She opened her body to His Will, carrying within her the Son of God. She nourished Him, giving her body and blood to Him so that He might one day do the same for us. Nourished Him that He might nourish us.

And we ask this blessed woman to pray for us.
- For it is through her that all graces come. For she brought Christ into the world and brings Him again to us this day. And by honoring her she in turn brings us back to Him.

Oh most blessed Mother of the Eucharist, pray for us.

When I started this I felt it was reminding me to always be doing God's will. To constantly say "yes" to Him, yet there is another meaning for me. Many years ago I was 'attacked' by Bible Christians and, although their attacks against the Catholic faith eventually strengthened me, I was never able to overcome their attacks against Mary. I understood the Catholic position to be right, but I felt awkward honoring her. I feared giving too much to her and not enough to Christ. I've now realize that this isn't possible, for by honoring her we honor Christ. Looking upon the beauty of the gold tabernacle before me I realized that as I must gaze through the glass to see Christ in this physical one, so must I also gaze through Mary, an even more perfect tabernacle, to see Christ. As the ornate gold reminds me of how precious it's contents are, so Mary's purity and grace point back towards her Son.

It has become clear how much I've neglected her over the years. Afraid of insulting our Lord I turned and insulted his mother, the one who brought Him into the world. Finally, by insulting her it turned my heart away from Christ. I've forgotten how precious the Eucharist is, abandoning Him when I should have been serving Him more closely. By turning my back on His mother, I turned my back on Christ.

Is it any wonder I fail to make daily Mass? Any wonder that I rarely make Adoration? Any wonder that, as I gaze upon this tabernacle, I only see a piece of bread? I know it is more, yet I cannot feel it. If I cannot see Christ through Mary because I refuse to look, is it any wonder that I now cannot see Him present through the glass and gold in the small wheat wafer?

Oh Lord how my heart breaks, why have I allowed this to happen? Perhaps You've allowed this so that I might turn again to You and see You afresh. For it was by being challenged in my faith that I learned it's truths and by running from this truth that You've brought me back again.

Oh Mary, blessed mother of our Lord and Savior, help me to see your Son in the Eucharist as I've not allowed myself to see Him before. Teach me to adore Him with all my heart, guide me to Him as I learn to honor you. Mary, by whose fiat the Son of God came into the world, pray for me.


The Jesus Freak said...

Hello! Are you diserning with the SMME?! Just curious, as you went to their last retreat!

I'm praying for you!!

God bless!

oh, yeah, I am seriously considering the SMME. Although, I love the Franciscan spirituality as well :)

Christina said...

I'm discerning yes, and I feel called to the Dominican order. Although I liked the sisters at SMME, I'm not sure it's where I'm going to be.

Thank you for your prayers :) I'll keep you in mine!

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